The Road Not Forsaken

Much of the knowledge I have now has come from memories restored by the experience of rewriting old songs and blogs from the same life situation I had in 2007. It has come to me gradually over the last few years as my blogs and songs have grown to their current volume. It troubles me to see the naivete of my older writings, for instance, when I took a playful attitude towards those libelous images of me. As troubling as it is to remember that trauma from six years ago, it is for the best. I may be a little absent minded but I have an astonishing memory for words and music. Of course, I need to be paying attention to my work in order to stay on top of it all. When I quit this life back in 2007, it may have been with the intention of pursuing some other job. After all, look how impossible they make it for me to be myself. I recall that my door was often kicked in October 2007. And I regularly heard threats from passersby in the hall. That was when my songs and laughs were still online. I thought I might be safer with them gone from the web, but I now think that erasing them put me in greater danger. So when they kick my door and threaten me now, I don't get afraid, I just get annoyed. If you knew how I was feeling on November 11th of last year, you'd conclude that if I could survive that, I could survive anything. It's always a pain to face so much adversity, especially when I know that as the author of my work I don't deserve to, but I'm going to stick it out anyway. And my life has been so bad that I won't need very much to make me happy in the days to come. Perhaps I will die without ever getting any of the good things so many others helped themselves at my expense, but I will die with a clear conscience.
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